The BIG PAGE of TRITE HUSKER HUMOR

Chances are you've seen these jokes, in one form or another. The reason they're so popular is because you can simply fill in any team that you don't like and make them the butt of the joke. The mountain-dwellers to the west always seem to have a few of these on hand for their Husker friends. How clever and witty! For your convenience, the Loon has modified these jokes to make them Husker-friendly. If you enjoy humor that makes others appear A) Stupid; B) Evil; or C) Incestuous, you've come to the right place.

If you think these are funny, and have a joke of your own you'd like to share, be sure to let us know.  Please include a summary of said joke, including any other background info such as if you were smoking pot and drinking the bong juice at the time.

I had a Colorado grad over for dinner last night --
The pizza was late and he still wanted a tip.

Why do they play on cardboard at Folsom Field?
The Buffs look better on paper & it keeps the cheerleaders from grazing.

What does is read on the bottom of Dr. Pepper bottles in Texas?
Open at other end.

What separates a good football team from a great football team?
Kansas.

What do Bob Davie and Billy Graham have in common?
Both can make 80,000 people rise to their feet and yell "Jesus Christ!".

Why do all the trees in Kansas lean south?
Oklahoma sucks.

Then why are there no trees in Oklahoma?
Cause Texas really sucks.

Why do we know the toothbrush was invented in Texas?
If it were invented in Nebraska it would have been called a teethbrush.

What is the difference between a Missouri cheerleader and a national
championship?
Not everyone has had a national championship.

What is fathers' day at CU?
Chaos.

What do CU cheerleaders put behind their ears to attract guys?
Their ankles.

Why do CU cheerleaders also wear shoulder pads?
So they don't bruise their ears.

How do you make a CU snowman?
Same as a regular one, only hollow out the head.

What's the difference between a porcupine and Folsom Field?
A porcupine has 60,000 pricks on the OUTSIDE.

Did you hear about the Colorado student that died while getting a drink of water?
The commode lid fell on his head.

What do you call a convoy of John Deere tractors going down the road?
The Iowa Hawkeye homecoming parade.

What the difference between Steve Spurrier and a puppy?
Eventually, the puppy stops whining.

Why don't Oklahoma students use 911 in an emergency?
They can't find "eleven" on the phone dial.

Two Iowa fans are walking in the woods. One says, "Look! A dead bird!"
The other one looks up in the sky and says, "Where?"

What does Kansas State and 7-Up have in common?
Never had it, never will.

Why was the Texas Tech football team late for last week's game?
Because every time they passed a sign for "Clean Restrooms," they actually did.

Why did Gary Barnett have his quarterbacks, running backs and wide receivers all working in a bakery this summer?
He wanted them to get used to turnovers.

Why do Missouri graduates hang their degrees on their rearview mirrors?
So they can park in handicapped spaces.

Two Iowa State fans are walking along a railroad track. One says, "Darn! These stairs are killin' me!"
The other says, "It's not the stairs I can't stand, it's the low handrails!"

Did you hear about the skeleton they recently found in an old building at Oklahoma?
It was the 1898 "Hide and Seek" champion.

How many Iowa students does it take to make popcorn?
Eleven -- one to hold the pan and ten to shake the stove.

What does sperm and the drive for a Kansas State national title have in common?
They both have about a one-in-a-million chance of succeeding.

How can you tell when a Colorado graduate has sent you a fax?
There's a stamp on it.

What has 98 legs and 49 teeth?
A sorority/fraternity party at the University of Texas.

What does a tornado and a Missouri cheerleader have in common?
Both eventually end up in a trailer park.

How many Buffalo fans does it take to roof a house?
Depends on how you slice 'em.

How do you know if you're in an Iowa State bar?
If you call the number on the restroom wall to get the farm report.

How is the Baylor football team like a possum?
They play dead at home and get killed on the road.

What did the 1990 Colorado football team prove?
That miracles really do happen.

Did you hear the Missouri football player's favorite movie at the drive-in?
"Closed for the Winter."

Did you hear that Bob Stoops dressed only 15 players for the Liberty Bowl?
Yeah ... apparently, the rest were able to dress themselves.

How can you tell if it's a Colorado plane when it is snowing?
Chains on the propellers.

What's the difference between a Stillwater divorce and a tornado?
I don't know either, but someone's gonna lose a trailer.

What's the difference between a K-State national championship team and Superman?
Neither of them exist.

Do you know what Gary Barnett tells new recruits?
"We'll get you a good lawyer."

Why don't secretaries at Oklahoma get coffee breaks?
It costs too much to retrain them.

Why do fans of the Oklahoma State Cowboys wear orange and white?
They can wear it to the game on Saturday, they can wear it when they go hunting on Sunday, and they can wear it to work on Monday when they're picking up garbage along the side of the road.

Why did they quit serving ice water at Colorado games?
The guy with the recipe died.

What is the difference between an Iowa fan and childbirth?
One can be terribly slow, painful and unbearable, while the other is simply having a baby.

Why did Baylor have to close down its football website?
They had trouble stringing three w's together.

What do you call an intelligent person in Columbia, Mo.?
Lost.

Iowa State recently hired a Chinese offensive coordinator -- Win One Soon.

What do you call the sweat that builds up between two Missouri fans having sex?
Relative humidity.

Did you hear about the Colorado fan that locked his keys in his car?
He couldn't get his family out.

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A highly recruited high school football player was visiting schools. His first stop was to K-State. When arriving, Coach Snyder immediately picked up a golden telephone. After talking a few minutes, he said "Thank you, God" and hung up. The shocked young man asked what was so special about the golden phone. "Well, this phone is a direct line to God. And God tells us whether or not a recruit will be a star in our program."  The recruit then asked if he might use the phone to ask God which college he should pick. "Sure, you can. But it will cost you $1,000. Calling Heaven isn't cheap." The kid did not have that kind of money so he moved along.
His next stop was Colorado. Upon entering Coach Barnett's office he too picked up a golden phone. After a few minutes, he said, "Thank you,God" and hung up. The young man asked again if he could use that phone to call God for advice. Coach Barnett said, "Sure, but it will cost you $500. Calling Heaven isn't cheap!" The athlete again could not pay so he left.
His last stop was Nebraska. Upon arriving Coach Solich picked up the golden phone, talked to God, and said, "Thanks," and hung up. The boy pleaded with coach Solich to use the phone. "From K-State it was going to cost me $1000 and from Colorado $500. So how much will it cost me to call Heaven from here at Nebraska?" 
"Nothing, son. It's a local call."

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