POINT
We are totally going to suck next year

Dude. We are going to absolutely suck next year, I just know it.

Think about it, man. Crouch is gone. Fonoti is gone. The whole offensive line needs to get rebuilt, and we weren't even that good in that department last year, anyway. No quarterback and no front line could mean some seriously ugly offensive series for us come fall. That's not good.

I've been worried about us before, but never more worried than I have been this year. We traditionally start out slow, anyway, but this year we've got Arizona State right away and then we travel all the way out to Penn State. We're gonna get ambushed in that one, I just know it. We don't have the coaching to survive a tough opponent like that on the road in front of all the TV cameras and stuff.

Our coaches had better get their heads out of their asses if they want to keep the nine-win streak alive. After all, that's what's most important to us in the end. But we'll probably get punked by Texas, Texas A&M and Colorado, too. Hell, not to mention Iowa State and Oklahoma State. It's gonna get pretty ugly for us. You heard it here first.

Hopefully, we'll get off our lazy butts -- especially our weakling defensive linemen -- and work hard in summer conditioning. I want to see 100 percent participation in summer drills. No excuses! But I think that might not even be enough. The most common three-word phrase for us next year won't be "Go Big Red," I'll be "Lord throws incomplete!" He can't chuck the rock, which means we're going to have to rely on Diedrick even more than we did last year. Which means for the second straight year, we won't have a true breakaway threat at I-Back. Damn, man.

I don't think we'd better be making any plans for a BCS bowl this January. I'd expect us to land in the Alamo Bowl, or maybe even the Independence Bowl or something. Even if we go to a bowl at all. Come to think of it, we might just shoot for finishing in the top half of the North Division. Even that might be a freakin' miracle for us.

So don't get your hopes up. Because, dude, we're gonna suck.

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Jeff Busboom is a Beatrice native, works in food service and is an avid Cornhusker fan.

COUNTERPOINT
What's with all this 'we' crap?

Hey there. I hear you've been talking a bit about our team, about how we aren't going to be very good this fall. And I must say, you certainly do talk a mean game.

But I've just got to ask you, Mr. Diminutive Caucasian: What's with all this 'we' crap?

After all, you're not even part of the team. You didn't even go to school at Nebraska. What is it you do again -- assistant manager at the Beatrice Applebee's? Buddy, the only thing you've got invested in this team is your big mouth.

I tell you what. You want the right to yell at me, you show up in the middle of July when it's so friggin' hot that you can see the heat waves rising up off the field, and come run some wind sprints out on that plastic turf with the rest of us. Then "we" can run some bleachers. Maybe "we'll" run "you" through the Hamburger Drill -- you know, where we line up on both sides for 20 yards and everybody gets a clean shot at you. Then "we" can pump a little iron at the end of the day. I can bench-press 525. How about you?  If you can answer with a number in the same ballpark, then I suppose you can use the word "we."

Naw, you won't do that, though. What you'll do is go out to the mall and buy a new Husker shirt, then try to tell me that by using your credit card on some Big Red gear that you're part of the team. That by you yelling at the game actually affects the outcome. News flash, genius: There were 70 grand of you guys at the Rose Bowl, and we got drilled by 23 points. Get the picture?

Guys like you crack me up. You haven't been out of Nebraska in your whole life, you got your picture taken with a couple players when you were a kid and now somehow that makes you part of the team. Come on.

And another thing. You don't see me calling your company's intramural softball team "us," do you? Do you? No, you don't. So knock off all this "we" crap, or there'll be a 6-foot-6, 290-pound reminder showing up at your place of work to remind you to knock it off.

Then you can go we, we, we -- all the way home. 

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Patrick Kabongo is a junior defensive lineman for Nebraska. Seeings that he's a real person and The Bugmunch doesn't have a very extensive legal department, it should probably be noted that he really didn't write this column. He's a lot smarter than this.