'NevadaHusker' can't believe all the losers that post to this dumb Spider-Man fan site

SPARKS, Nev. -- A local computer programmer who stumbled onto a major Internet message board for Spider-Man fans said Thursday he was "shocked at how many complete dorkwads" frequent the board to post their thoughts and opinions about the comic-book character.

"Man, those people are really, really sad," said Mark Nolte, a longtime Nebraska Cornhusker fan who stumbled onto the site, SpidermanRules.com, via an off-topic link at a popular Husker message board. "I mean, there must be 57,000 posts on this stupid site, discussing all sorts of weird crap. 

"I'm simply astounded at this massive gathering of social rejects discussing such trivial garbage," he added.

Nolte, who spends roughly six to seven hours a day surfing Nebraska web sites while working for casino consulting firm IGT Inc., posts under the screen name "NevadaHusker" at several online Cornhusker message boards. During his brief foray into SpidermanRules.com, he said he considered posting a message urging the site's frequent visitors to acquire a life.

"Those freaks need to get a grip, man," he said. "They were bitching and crying around like a bunch of whiny little girls. 'Spidey's going straight into the toilet, it'll never be the same again...' God, talk about immature. And some of the topics these morons were batting around ... Geez, they were just pathetic."

Nolte said many of Thursday's posts at SpidermanRules.com debated whether the quality of the popular comic book has dissipated in the years since legendary editor Tom DeFalco retired. He also scoffed at another thread in which posters hotly debated who would win if Spider-Man fought Superman.

Nolte said the most heated topic, however, was about the upgraded appearance of the hero's costume that will be unveiled in the upcoming feature-length Spider-Man movie. The motion picture will hit theaters May 3.

"Near as I could tell, one set of the losers are all pissed off about what he's going to look like in the movie, because the outfit isn't exactly what Spider-Man traditionally looks like in the comic book," Nolte said. "The other set of dorks were like, 'Dude, change is good.' There must have been 50 posts to that stupid topic. It was unbelievable."

The most active message thread was spawned when a poster from BatmanCentral.com flamed the board concerning the upcoming Spider-Man movie, Nolte said.

"It was really funny, dude," he said. "Some Batman fan came on there and said, 'Yeah, well, congrats on the movie, Spiderdorks, but come talk to us when your boy finishes movie No. 4, like ours' And so a bunch of board regulars start whaling on the guy and ripping Batman a new one, too. What an exercise in absolute sadness."

Nolte had to abandon his anthropological endeavor to SpidermanRules.com for roughly four minutes to have a short discussion with IGT Systems Manager Mel Baumert. As Baumert approached, Nolte quickly switched his screen to show a Microsoft Excel spreadsheet showing system error reports.

“Dude, that was a close one,” Nolte said later. “One minute, I’m laughing it up at all these fools, and the next thing I know, The Baumer is right on top of me. If don‘t have a Pentium in that situation, I‘m so busted.”

After answering Baumert's questions about the spreadsheet, Nolte said he spent the next half-hour or so surfing around the rest of SpidermanRules.com's message-board forums. What he found solidified his initial finding that the posters were pathetic individuals with manic-depressive and/or obsessive-compulsive tendencies.

From what he was able to ascertain, relations between SpidermanRules.com and several longtime posters were strained in November 2001, when moderators discussed creating a pay board that would provide "insider" Spider-Man news. Among the items considered for the new board, Nolte learned, were exclusive photos and plot spoilers from the upcoming movie, interviews with cast and crew members and even possible storylines for future Spider-Man comic books.

Several posters -- among them "PeterParker," "8Legger" and "Wallcrawler" -- were among the most vocal critics of the plan, Nolte said, laughing. He determined they were longtime posters because they had "Golden Ager" status, signifying a poster who has made at least 1,000 posts to the forum. Many also used the signature line "With Great Power Comes Great Responsibility," a time-honored slogan that many claim embodies the fighting spirit of Spider-Man. 

"I actually have to agree with this one loser," Nolte said. "He totally went off on the attempts to make money while talking about Spider-Man, which seems to me to be a pretty stupid idea in the first place. Who'd pay for such crap?"

The only thing worth really watching on SpidermanRules.com, Nolte said, was the veiled flirting that went on between several male posters and "ItsyBitsy," one of the only women to post to what has predictably become a male-dominated forum.

"I doubt if I'll stick around to find out if she's really a woman," he said. "I'm going back to the Husker boards, where people are a little more normal."