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INSIDE
Jersey, quarterback both lamely retired
Paterno remembers Husker leader being
taller, much better at coaching
Fan wants more passing, but still thinks
Rush is right
Footballs
commemorating end of nine-win streak are
100 percent leather,
100 percent off
CLASSIFIEDS
LOST: Grandma.
No, not my nickname for Memorial Stadium; my grandma's really missing.
Write to Jim.Rose1@pinnnacle.org
with any information, please.
WORRIED ABOUT
BIOTERRORISM? Get your battle-tested disaster suits now. 125 pairs of
white football pants, $20. bigredsurplus@unl.rr.com.
THE PEOPLE
WHO brought you HuskerVision have had time to think about it, and are
now willing to take it back. jeff.schmal@hottymail.com.
THANK YOU ST. JUDE,
for allowing the Nebraska basketball season to finally end. -- Barry C.
DISCLAIMER
The Bugmunch
is a parody ... a bad one. Regardless, it is intended for entertainment
purposes only. The content is basically a bunch of made-up crap and is
intended for readers over 18. If you're not 18 or are offended by this
kind of stuff, leave
now. Or, if you'd like to
comment on The Bugmunch, click
here.
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TOP STORY
Pelini demands Blackshirts'
full dedication to NU
Also interviews with Seahawks
Bo Pelini talks to reporters after a
closed-door session with defenders Tuesday, where he demanded '100%
dedication and loyalty' from players in order for the Blackshirts to
succeed. Pelini, who was reportedly still Nebraska's defensive coordinator
as of Tuesday, then boarded a flight for the West Coast, where he was
expected to meet with Seahawks Coach Mike Holmgren. FULL
STORY
_______________________________
 Dukes
wants to be Next Great Hope again for a while
LINCOLN -- Redshirt
freshman quarterback Curt Dukes, the subject of intense anticipation and
excitement among Nebraska fans precisely one year ago, said Friday he would like to be
the Next Great Hope again "if only for just a little
while."
Dukes, who rode into Lincoln on a wave of hype in 2002 after finishing high school early so he could compete in
spring drills, ended up holding the fan-bestowed title for only a mere nine
months. The current Next Great Hope is NU's Defensive
Coordinator, Bo Pelini.
"Last spring, I was so huge I could've killed a man and
no one would've really minded," Dukes said. "But that was before
I redshirted, which started all that silly speculation over whether I
lacked the intestinal fortitude to play quarterback here. To top it
off, they went and put this damn screw in my knee. There was no way I
could keep the title after that double-whammy."
Dukes, who is not participating fully in spring drills this
year because of his knee injury, now joins an illustrious fraternity of Past
Next Great Hopes that includes Bobby Newcombe, Dan Alexander, Wendell
Wooten, Terry
Rodgers and recent inductee Thunder Collins.
LOCAL
-- Everything
except football now gone from UNL budget
-- Black
Lincolnite tired of being mistaken for Nebraska Cornhusker football player
-- Pederson
nearly crushed in 1.7 million-person group hug
-- Herbie Husker ruled
ineligible; steroid use suspected
-- Williams
sprains knee, Solich fractures English language
NATION/WORLD
-- Man stunned to learn there are actually lots of places like Nebraska
-- All
of NU's problems identified between couch, refrigerator
-- Husker fan
in Florida won't wear Nebraska clothes outside house
-- Single-minded
idiot worries how much the war in Iraq will hurt NU recruiting
OPINION
-- Coming
just 117 points from perfection is such a gosh-darned heartbreaker
-- Unlike
us Cornhuskers, the only thing K-State fans really care about is football
-- Point/Counterpoint: Jammal Lord's intelligence
-- Ask An Asshole Fan at the Stadium Who Won't Quit
Standing Up and Talking On His Cell
Phone
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IN
BRIEF
Freebie NU schedule never gets finished
CLATONIA
-- The score results on a 2002 Cornhusker schedule along the Coppertop
Tavern's west wall remained incomplete Tuesday, despite the season being
over for four months, sources said.
The red-and-white
schedule, given to the pub by a regional Budweiser distributor last
August, had been filled in regularly with a felt-tipped magic marker until
Oct. 19, the day NU lost 24-21 to Oklahoma State. The score boxes for NU's
final six games -- Texas A&M, Texas, Kansas, K-State, Colorado
and Ole Miss -- were left blank.
"It was fun while they were winning," owner Red
Burles said while glancing at the poster, which he had hung just below a
"Welcome Hunters" banner from his Coors vendor. "But
after that third loss, we just couldn't bear to write down the scores any
more."
Solich forces Cotton to go right instead
of left
LINCOLN -- Frank
Solich intervened in offensive coordinator Barney Cotton's driving plans
Friday as they headed for a north Lincoln fast-food restaurant, Associate
Head Coach Turner Gill said.
"Barney was driving up 14th Street and was gonna cut a
left across traffic to get to a side road shortcut that would've gotten us
to Mickey D's really fast," said Gill, who was riding the back seat
of Cotton's 2002 Volkswagen Passat at the time. "But Frank got
all deer-in-the-headlights and told him to turn right, down the exit
and all the way to Cornhusker Highway because it was safer. They were
practically fighting over the steering wheel."
Traffic backed up for about 25 seconds behind the Passat, at
which point Cotton finally said: "Fine, have it your way,"
whipped into the right lane, and made a right turn onto the exit. They
wound up going to Burger King instead.
Fan thinks he's the only one who got
Pederson's letter
OGALLALA -- NU football season ticket holder Don Bisbee is brimming
with newfound self-importance, apparently unaware that he was
not the only recipient of a letter from Athletic Director Steve Pederson
in February, a source said today.
The source, who spoke anonymously, said Bisbee often beams
about how Pederson took the time to write him, and even regularly quotes
from portions of the Feb. 10 letter. In reality, the form letter was sent
to all NU season ticket holders in hopes of increasing donations.
"Don's been so unhappy since his wife left, I can't bear
to break it to him," he said.
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