CLASSIC LOON DROPPINGS
Nebraska 62, Florida 24
National Championship
January 2, 1996
If you listened to all the media pundits, the 1996 Fiesta Bowl had all the elements of a classic matchup for the undisputed National Championship of the College Football World. Frankly, the folks in Hollywood couldn't have drawn up a better script -- the unbeaten Huskers against the unbeaten Florida Gators in an end-all, be-all conflagration out in the middle of the desert. And the result was like a movie for Steve Spurrier's boys, who billed this game as "The Offense of the '90s vs. the Offense of the '50s." But for the Gators, it was definitely a Rocky Horror Picture Show. Because there's no doubt that NU's "Time Warp" offense swamped the overmatched reptiles and proved, with National Championship No. 2 in a row, that might definitely makes right.
A few takes:
TOMMIE GUN: Here's a question: How many Florida Gators does it take to tackle Tommie Frazier? Answer: No one knows, because it hasn't happened yet. It is believed that No. 15 is still running down the right sideline, exhausted Gators left in his wake, stretching Nebraska's lead to 4,276 to 18. By George, Nebraska's magnificent quarterback showed that those Big Ten-friendly Heisman voters just might have made a mistake in giving that hunk of sculpted bronze to a certain Buckeye last month. About the point that he got dissed by the Downtown Athletic Club, it appears Frazier decided he would simply kill Florida instead. For all of "Coach Superior's" abilities to draw up plays in the dirt, he couldn't show his weak-ass defense how to tackle. Game ball to No. 15. We'll miss you, Tommie.
ONWARD, CHRISTIAN SOLDIER: It would not be a Cornhusker game, however, without a controversial call going against the Huskers. The officials claimed to have seen backup UF quarterback Eric Kresser's knee touch the ground before Christian Peter scooped up his fumble and returned it 90 yards for an apparent two points. It's obvious that Kresser -- who was scared so badly by the Blackshirts that he's rumored to be transferring to Division II Marshall next year -- fumbled to Mr. Peter, whose touchdown prance shook more turf than the Northridge Earthquake. Still, it was a perfect end to a perfect game for NU. Every time Florida did something worth a half a chomp, the Huskers did 'em one or two or three better.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: There's no doubt that Lawrence of Nebraska is sorry for that unfortunate incident back in September. There's also no doubt that LP is really a kung-fu plowhorse with speed to burn. LP burst through tackles like he was late for an arraignment, and showed the nation that No. 1 is still No.1 at I-Back U. If Dr. Tom has his way, Lawrence will probably go pro, so he can take the feeding frenzy of reporters -- led by 48 Hours' Bernard Goldberg with him. It's safe to say that NU would've beaten Florida like a red-headed stepchild even without their controversial running back, but it was fun watching a man among boys out there. Hope he keeps his nose clean in the NFL.
DANNY WORTHLESS: All you heard about before this game kicked off was Fun N Gun this, Fun N Gun that, and how much fun that Danny Boy and Co. were going to have on this natural turf. Well, by the time the second quarter rolled around in this one, it was clear that the fun was done. The Blackshirts were fast, mean and immovable, showing the SEC champs what REAL speed looks like. Farley was everywhere (that was a safety, by the way) and the new "Steeler" scheme -- where the Huskers would rush a linebacker and drop a defensive lineman into coverage -- made Wuerffel look as confused as Forrest Gump on celebrity Jeopardy! back there in the "pocket." Simply put, this was a masterpiece by Charlie McBride.
THE EIGHT IS GREAT: Nebraska, the team that embodied the best of the Big 8 for years, appropriately finished off a year for the conference that is arguably the greatest in league history. KSU's blitzkrieg of Colorado State, KU's demolition of UCLA and Colorado's bombast of Oregon topped off a perfect bowl season for Old Ocho. Now, like Aldous Huxley, we're into the Brave New World of the Big XII. Though those Roman Numerals look pretty cool, I sure hope those Texas teams don't pull down this conference. We obviously showed this bowl season that we certainly don't need 'em. What's that? The teams that will make up the Big XII went 6-1 this postseason? Who lost, Texas? Oh, OK, I suppose we'll let 'em play with us.
THE BOTTOM LINE: What you saw on Tuesday night was not a football team, fellow Red Clad Loons. It was a giant grain thresher, mowing over everything that had the misfortune of crossing its path. It was a mean, scarlet-colored machine capable of destroying some of the teams the NFL has to offer, too. The ever-astute Terry Donahue said as the Big Red ran out of sight that this could have been one of the greatest college football teams in recent history. How's about dropping "recent" from that sentence? That sounds more like it, Terry Boy. Of course, I shouldn't blame him -- judging by Donahue's 1-6 record against NU, the recently retired UCLA headman never could get much right when it came to the Cornhuskers. That's OK, cuz as evidenced by this laugher, not many teams can. As for Nebraska, I'm starting to wonder if these guys will ever lose again. Twenty-five straight, 36-1 over three seasons, two straight undisputed national championships ... what's left for this program to tackle? Heyyyy... I've got it! How about a Nebraska-Dallas Super Bowl? Nebraska 12, Opponents 0.
==STEVE==